In My Heart
by Icy Quackers
Summary: Oneshot. Buffy takes time to think about all the people who have influenced her before what we know is the last Hellmouth problem.


**Disclaimer: **I own nothing, zip, nada. I only corrupt Buffy's thoughts.

**Summary: **Buffy takes time to think about all the people in her life before what we know is the last apocalypse. Takes place before the episode 'Chosen'. Enjoy!

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It's kind of funny, really. After all these years of fighting bad guys and putting an end to apocalypses, I've never once been this afraid. Sure, the end of the world takes it's toll every time it's mentioned while I'm just trying to enjoy a normal day, complete with slaying vampires and kicking some freaky demons' ass, but in the end I'm always brave. This time, however, I'm not really sure what it is I'm after. I'm supposed to be setting an example for these girls, not running away and cowering. I'm a Slayer, and it's my duty to handle apocalypses...it's just this time, I feel more alone then I ever had.

But I'm not alone, really. I've never been alone. The First, appearing as me during our first encounter, had really shaken me up. She- _It_ kept reminding me of my duties and the fact that I was alone. It almost pains me think about what would happen if all these people never came into my life…my heart, too.

First of all, you've got Willow and Xander who share an equal part of it. Everything they've done for me is just…amazing. They have always been there for me, and for that, they get the special place in my Slayer heart. And, between you and me, that one's probably the biggest portion there is. Despite Xander's unmistakable love magnetism with women, and Willow's secret dark Wicca side, I'd say these are probably the only people in my life that I honestly trust. I love those guys **to death**. They're probably the only ones that have stood beside me the entire time. Even Giles wasn't always there.

Speaking of Giles, I guess it's only fair to mention that I have a special place for him in my heart. After Hank, or my dad, rather, left my mom, there was no father figure for me to look up to. Granted, my Watcher may not have been always looking out for the more social side of me, but he treated me as if I was his own child. Poor guy, he could never maintain a steady relationship, but I guess that was more my fault than his. After all, I'm pretty certain it wasn't him who slept with Angel, causing the whole soul-removal process to ensue. God, I'm even getting sick just thinking about it.

Then there's Dawn, my sweet, pain-in-the-ass sister who always says the wrong thing at the wrong time- but you know what? I still love her, even if she isn't my _real_ sister…oh, who am I kidding? Sure, she may not be the daughter of my mother, but she most definitely carries my blood in her veins. Sadly enough, she is also the only real family I keep close with. If anything was to happen to her, I'd probably wander off into that happy little place where Willow rescued me from during that whole Glory era.

As much as I hate to admit it, there will always be a special place in my heart for a certain blonde vampire. Even though he tried to kill me countless times, it was comforting to know that he gave up on that idiot Sire of his and moved on with his un-life…kinda. When he wasn't trying to woe me with his less-than-impressive humane side, he was out doing productive things to help the Scoobies and I. Yes, Spike is not only my kryptonite, but he's also my best ally. I would choose him to fight beside me in a battle, before I chose Xander. We've had a pretty rocky past together, but I was able to forgive him for his misdeeds, while he came to an understanding that I could never love him…or, at least I think he has.

Oh and how could I forget Anya? Sure, she and I have never been close…not ever, but she's there, that little perky face dancing around in my heart. I mean, she chose me to be one of her bride's maids, which honestly flattered me for the two hours before presenting the hideous dresses she wanted Willow and I to wear- but hey! It's alright because she was getting married to one of my best friends, which made him very happy. If he was happy, I would be too, so I stuck it out, and hell! I even stalled the wedding ceremony a bit, which was pointless due to the fact Xander ended up walking out on her at the end. It was a shame, too. The both of them were so perfect for each other, but ultimately, Anya is and always will be apart of my family.

Alas, there is that one special man- or vampire, I should say. Angel has, and always will be in my heart. He was my first love, and I ended up losing my innocence to him…but that was alright. I wanted to because I /loved/ him, and I still do to this day. I want to hate him, so badly, for walking out on my life that night after Graduation, I really did. However, I couldn't bring myself to doing it because…well, he was Angel! If this thing…this apocalypse ever comes to an end, then he will probably be the first person I go and visit before we, assuming the Scoobies and I make it out alright, get the hell out of California.

Willow wanted to go somewhere eccentric, like Costa Rica. Of course, Giles wants to transfer all of us to England, but I'm not ready to endure ten times the population of…well, Gilesy people! Wesley was bad enough. No, I want to go somewhere religious, oddly enough; somewhere where Vampires and Demons wouldn't even think of roaming about at night, if a place like that even exists. Either way, we're still moving.

The fifth-billionth judgment day- or so it seems –is nearly knocking at our door. I can't tell you how much training I've put the Potentials through, well…how much training Faith put them through. I don't know what we're up against, really. I killed Caleb a couple nights ago, and he was already hard to beat as it was. If it wasn't for –insert dramatic sigh here- Angel, I wouldn't even be here right now, but seeing as how he came and delivered the Champion's Amulet, I'm A-okay. I just hope Spike doesn't over-do the whole champion thing.

I know its coming, I can feel it. Call it a Slayer sense if you want, but I call it death looming closer. I know not everyone's going to make it out of Sunnydale High alone, that's a given. It's scary, to think about losing one of those many companions that you have grown to love and trust- somewhat. I can't even think about what would happen, had I lost one of the Scoobies or Dawn. Hell, even losing Spike would make my eyes water every time I thought about him afterwards. I wouldn't mind someone else less important leaving us…like Andrew, or even that Kennedy girl. Well, maybe not so much Andrew…the kid would keep us entertained on the ride to our new home. I don't exactly know what it is we're facing against, but I know that whatever it is…it can't be good. Though, despite the fact that my knees quiver at the thought of facing millions of un-known demons one thing's for sure: When the time comes,

I'll be ready.


End file.
